Joke Mania

A girl was throwing stones at a cow. Her father came & scolded her for throwing the stones at the cow & then told to her that cows are like mothers to them & should be respected. Next day guests come to their to their house & asked for her father. She said “Father is pressing breast of mother”.

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to
use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the
summer,cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting
on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push
that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little
boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a
large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the
creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after
supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad
replied,”Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you,
wasn’t it, son?” The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said,
“Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry
tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in
that cherry tree.”

The day before Thanksgiving this little boy heard his mom and dad
fighting. The husband said to his wife, “You stupid bitch, you have
floppy tits.” She wasn’t about to be outdone and said, “Well you have
a crooked dick, you bastard.” Well, the little boy heard every word
they said. After they got done fighting, he went up to the mom and
asked her what bitches and bastards were. She told him that they were
people. Then he asked what crooked dicks and floppy tits were. She told
him that they were coats and hats. The little boy accepted both answers
and went on his way.

The next day, they were getting ready for a huge feast with friends and
family. The little boy went up stairs where his dad was shaving. The
dad cut himself and said “Shit!” Well once again, the boy started asking
questions and asked what “shit” was. The father told him that it
was “shaving cream”. The boy accepted this answer and went downstairs
were his mom was stuffing a turkey. When the mom cut herself with a
knife, she said “Fuck!” The boy once again asked what “fuck” was. She
told him that it was “stuffing”. About that time, the door bell rang.

When the little boy went to answer the door, it was his grandparents.
Upon opening the door, the little boy said: “Hi bitches and bastards.
Let me take your crooked dicks and floppy tits for you. Dad’s upstairs
putting shit on his face and mom’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey.”

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the
first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher
insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. “I went to visit
my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!”
She then asked Mitchell what he had done. “I took a ride on a
choo-choo.”

She said, “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words.”
She then asked Bobby what he had done. “I read a book,” he replied.

“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”
Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great
pride and said, “Winnie the Shit.”

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, “Mom, what’s sex?”

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, “Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?”

A little boy goes to the drugstore for some condoms. He goes up to the
pharmacist and asked him, “Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed
condoms are?”

The pharmacist replied, “Son, do you know what condoms are used for?”

“Sure do” replied the boy, “They keep you from getting venereal
diseases.”

“Yes, that’s true,” said the pharmacist, “but do you know what the ribs
are for?”

The little boy thought for a moment, then looked up at the pharmacist
and replied, “Well, not exactly, but they sure do make the hair on the
backs of them goats stand up.”

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa’s room.

“Grampa, Grampa,” he says excitedly, “as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said his grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croaked, we’re going to Disneyland!!!”

Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, “Daddy, what are they doing?” The dad responds after some quick thinking, “Why son, their making a puppy.”

Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of water. As he walked by his mom and dad’s room, he heard a noise and looked in only to find them going at it. Billy shouts, “Daddy what are you doing?” The father, quite embarrassed, replies “Why Billy, we’re making a baby.” “Quick, turn her over…” declares Billy, “…I want a puppy!”

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

“Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named “Mighty Storm”?

“Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.”

“Why is my sister named “Cornflower”?

“Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her.”

“And why is my other sister called “Moonchild”?

“We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived.”

“Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?”

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”

So Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”