Joke Mania

If nobody is perfect, and I’m a nobody, am I perfect?

A good friend will bail you out of jail.

A great friend will be in the cell next to you saying,”Damn, that was fun!”

1. Capmbell’s Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmmm, good…
2. Coca Cola Conddoms: the real thing.
3. Diet pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
4. Double Mint: Double your pleasure, Double your fun!
5. Energizer: It keeps going and going and going…
6. Ford condoms: the best never Rest.
7. Hewlett Packard Condoms; Expanding possibilities.
8. KFC Condoms: Finger-lickin good.
9. M&M Condom: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!
10. Mars Bar condoms: The quicker picker upper!
11. Maxwell House: good to the last drop!
12. Microsoft: Where do you want to go today?
13. Nike Condoms: just do it.
14. Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can’t stop.
15. Taco Bell: Get some; make a run for the border.
16. Tattslotto Condoms: Who’s next?
17. Star Trek condoms: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
18. Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
19. United Airlines travel pack: Fly United.
20. Yellow pages Condoms: Aren’t you glad you use it? don’t you wish everybody did?

Why are they calledapartments if they are joined together?

An archaeologist is a besthusband a woman can get. As older she grows, the more interested he isin her.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doingwell.

If moths are attracted to bright lights, how come they sleepduring the day?

I love being married. It’s so great to find thatspecial person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Anyonewho thinks he is too small to make a difference has never been in bedwith a mosquito.

I wear my wife’s glasses because she wants me to seethings her way.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and theworld laughs louder.

“Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder:…
– What was I thinking?”

“Congratulations on your wedding day!…
– Too bad no one likes your wife.”

“How could two people as beautiful as you….
– have such an ugly baby?”

“I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love…
– After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”

“I must admit, you brought Religion in my life…
– I never believed in Hell until I met you.”

“As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am…
– that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”

“As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you’ve given me…
– Like the need for therapy.”

“Thanks for being a part of my life!!!…
– I never knew what evil was before this!”

“Before you go,…
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
– You’ll probably need it again.”

“Someday I hope to get married…
– but not to you.”

“You look great for your age…
– Almost Lifelike!”

“When we were together, you always said you’d die for me…
– Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”

“I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend…
– So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.”

“We have been friends for a very long time…
– What do you say we call it quits?”

“I’m so miserable without you…
– It’s almost like you’re here.”

“Congratulations on your new bundle of joy…
– Did you ever find out who the father was?”

“You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…
– I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”

Be nice to your children. They are the ones who choose your old folk’s home.

Chicken is the only animal we eat before it is borne and after it is dead.

When a newly wedded man is happy, we understand why. When a man, after ten years of marriage, is happy, we don’t understand why. It’s all a question of time!

We are born naked, wet and hungry. During the years everything becomes worst.

Men are like toilets. Either they are taken or they are full of shit!!