Joke Mania

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this”, said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.” “We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball………. stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake…” “What did you do?”, asks the doctor. “Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!”.

3 women are sitting in a bar discussing the size of their pussies. The first woman says;”mine’s so big that my boyfriend can fit his whole fist in there!”
the second woman replies with;”that’s nothing. mine’s so big that my boyfriend can fit both fists up there”.
The third woman smiles to herself as she slides down the bar stool.

This guy died with an erection. It was to big for the mortician to put him
in a coffin, so the wife told the mortician to cut it off and shove it up
his ass. The next day at the funeral the wife saw a tear in her dead
husband’s eye. She bent over and said, “I told you it hurts you fucking
bastard.”

A guy went on a date with a girl and it went so well that they ended up back at HER place.

They went up stairs and they started having sex,after giving it to her 5 times the guy’s bellend was red raw so when she was sleeping he went downstairs to find some vaseline but couldn’t find any.Then he saw a glass of milk sitting on the table so he dunked his bellend and the rest of his bollocks in the glass,the girl came downstairs behind him, saw him dunk his balls in the milk and said ” oh, so that’s how you refill it “

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche???

With a Porsche, the prick is on the inside!!!!

One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home! The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over. He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her. He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answered, “You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?” “Yes,” was his reply. She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it!”.

Q. What smells fishy and ends with unt

A. Rex Hunt

Q: What is in between an 80-year-old woman’s breast

A: Her belly-button

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As “Keeper of the Garden,” Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone!”

And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve…

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, “Ok, I can do better than THAT!”.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, “I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.”

I said, “Well, then why are you crying?”

She said, “He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon”.

I said, “Well, why are you crying?”

She said, “For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.

I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?”

She said, “I can’t remember where I live!”.