Joke Mania

Simple Division

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:30:51 +0000

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:

Dear Wife (that’s what he called her):

I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband (that’s what she called him): I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy.

You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

Pit Bull

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:30:32 +0000

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

The woman replied, “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.”

“What happened to him?”

The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”

She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”

The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women. “Can I borrow the dog?”

“Get in line!”

mood ring

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:30:05 +0000

wife says my husband gave me a mood ring. when i am good it turns green when i am bad he has a red mark on his forehead.

breathalyzer test

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:29:48 +0000

A police officer was making his daily round. Suddenly, a red corvet passed by him at a 100 m/h. He went after the car and stoped it. As he walked towards the car’s window, he noticed that the driver was a gorgeous blond. He went to her and asked for her driver’s licence and registration papers. The women kinda looked confused, but after emptying her bag, she handed the papers to the officer. He walked backed to his car and checked with another officer about the car’s license plate. The other man asked him if the driver was a gorgeous blond. The first officer said yes. The second one then told him to go back to the corvet and pull down his pants. Without arguing, he went back to the girl and pulled down his pants. The girl than replied: “Ah! Not another breathalyzer test!”

slack or not???

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:29:29 +0000

Three girls are sitting on stools at a bar. The 3 of them are arguing on who is the slackest. The first one says: “My boyfriend can put his whole fist in my pussy!!!” The second one says: “Oh ya? Well my boyfriend can put his whole head in my pussy!” The two of them then look at the third one, waiting for her to reply. She then looks at them and says: “Oops! There goes the stool!!!”

woman & computer

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:29:12 +0000

Similiarity between a woman and a computer!
Both can accept a 3.5 inch floppy

the thing

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:28:48 +0000

what’s hairy on the out side and wet and slimey on the inside it begins whith an c and ends in a t??

a cocanut

hehe

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:27:51 +0000

what did the 1 tampon say to the next tampon??

see you next peirod

look up. plug ups.

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:27:33 +0000

why do women parachutists wear tampons? so’s they don’t whistle on the way down.

The Rules

admin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:27:14 +0000

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want,” he insisted. “And, I don’t expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules,” he said. “Any comments?” His new bride replied, “No, that’s fine with me. But, just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”